I have recently found that shame is my secret best friend. He comes with me everywhere. He is my date to every occasion. He influences all of my major life decisions, AND every little one in between. Should I go out and study? Should I stay in? Well, I didn’t go out last time and this something funny could happen, but I have this extreme amount of homework to do and what if my friends think… well, you get the idea. Shame comes with me to class to make sure that I participate enough. He walks with me down the sidewalk to make sure I’m not taking up too much space. He informs me on all my clothing choices. He makes sure that I still follow those people from high school because I feel guilty for leaving them behind even though I am very aware that they probably haven’t thought about me in years. Again, you get the idea. My mind is shameful about almost every decision that I make, even about things I cannot control.
I carry shame everywhere and it is killing me. Can you relate?
The ideas of shame and guilt are often used interchangeably. This is understandable as they both indicate that a person feels like they have done something wrong and feel pain because of it.
Below are two major areas in which we can all feel shame and how the Bible counteracts them.
1. With friends: It’s easy to feel shameful or guilty about not hanging out with friends. It’s important to invest in relationships and to spend quality time together. However, do not feel obligated to go to every party or even to every movie night. Even Jesus took time for himself He would often go off by himself or go talk to a specific friend his entourage of, at the very least, twelve people. He took time for himself and went where he thought was best for himself at the moment (see Matthew 26:36-28). He even took a nap while in the midst of his friends (Matthew 8:23-24). There’s no reason for you to feel guilty about being by yourself. There’s no shame needed here, for if Christ took time for himself, then so can you. Find a balance of investing in the people you care about and in yourself as a child of God.
2. With myself: Throughout the past year, I have noticed myself changing and growing. God has put me in several situations this year that have stretched me and have continuously molded me into the person He wants me to be. I recognize this, and am so happy to be part of God’s will to further His kingdom. I should never be shameful about myself as I am a part of His plan. Some days, I miss my old bubbly, exuberant, “always on a Jesus-high” type self. I miss her. She was fun. 😊 Yet I also have grown in ways that I will never take for granted. I am more thoughtful and caring of those around me. I am less judgmental of others. I guess you could call them growing pains. God is working in me and that is more valuable than any trait I had seen in myself. It says in Ezekiel 36:26 this: “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” Do not feel guilty for undergoing personal change, for He will change you for the better.
Shame and guilt have no place in your life as a new child in Christ. His changes and His plans are greater than anything you could ever dream of. You have nothing to feel guilty about, for He has taken all of your sin and thrown it away. If a saved Christian were to ask Jesus for a record of your sin, He would stare you straight in the face and ask, “What sin?”.
Take heart, beloved. You are redeemed.